Is fear of rejection stopping you from dating?
Well hello there gentlemen, you won't mind me getting comfy here and tackling the subject of rejection, would you? Alright then, let's begin shall we?
Perhaps your past dating experiences were so negative that you don’t want to put yourself out there anymore. Maybe when you were a kid your first kiss laughed at you after you kissed. Perhaps an old crush said mean things when she broke up with you. Or maybe you never even dated before. Maybe a date never called you back, and every time you called her it went straight to voicemail. Maybe in a middle of a date, she pretended to receive that urgent call from her boss (we all know it was her best friend) and said she had to rush and left you there. I could go on...
But you see where I am going with this right? Rejection. Or more specifically, the fear of rejection. If that’s how you feel, you probably have your reasons, stories or justifications. And I am not here to deny those, but rather to encourage you to move past them and move on. Whatever happened in the past and whatever your reasons, you are a different person today. Maybe you’re older, wiser, more established in your career and/or financially secure, healthier, more outgoing/less shy, anything but that person from the past. And as you read this, you might ask: “Ok then how do I overcome my fear of rejection?”.
Before I share some tips with you, let’s talk about what you’re going to do next time a girl rejects you. And by reject, I don’t necessarily mean a dramatic let down. It could be very subtle, and you could still feel terribly about it. So it doesn’t matter how that rejection happens, what matters to me is how you’re going to treat yourself and shift your mindset to overcome that rejection. Therefore, let’s pretend you are out there on a first date.
1 - Remember to be yourself. You can't fake it and pretend you're going skydiving next weekend or that you love cats when you're actually a dog person because guess what? If none of the things you do or say are true or real, they'll catch up with you, often by your second date. And if playing pretend gets you through round one, you are most likely to face rejection after round two. What you win by being yourself is not only a real chance at charming your date, but also you won't waste anybody's time.
2 - Be mindful. You'll often hear me talk about mindful dating. Practicing mindfulness is probably what will protect you most from rejection. First, you're staying true to your values and increase your chances to attract like-minded people. You know what your expectations and limits are and you're ready to walk away if those are blurred. When you're in this place, you're not afraid of rejection because you respect yourself and understand that you have an equal position with your date. Secondly, you're staying calm but with subdued energy and excitement. You're balancing doing and being, passive and active, by engaging your date but also by listening more and better.
3 - Last but not least I want you to remember that you are amazing and absolutely datable. There are billions of people in this world, you’re not going to attract them all. You have your own preferences, and so do others. So understand that you might simply not be that “ideal” guy to every person you meet. Next time someone catches your eye and you make that attempt to talk to them, they might not be interested. But it’s not because of you, it's simply because they have other preferences. At that very moment, I want you to promise me that you will tell yourself that it’s ok and you move on.
Because guess what? NO means Next Opportunity.
Be more confident, get out there and meet people. Thanks for reading! If you haven't seen it yet, check out my other blog about self-confidence here. And as usual, leave me your comments below or shoot me a message here.
Mimi, your coach.