Gear up to find the right relationship for you!
You're single. But you're not alone. Did you stop to think that as of this morning, there are actually 7.4+ billion people on our beautiful planet? So you gotta be able to meet someone awesome. I'm guessing though that you're thinking "Yeah easier said than done". Maybe you're right. But what if you're struggling to attract like-minded people because you haven't zeroed in on what YOU want?
What are your expectations? What are you looking for? What do you like? Let me help you define what you expect from dating so that you can do so with a lot more confidence and a lot less confusion.
What's your reason for dating?
- Are you seeking love?
- Are you dating for marriage?
- Are you dating for sex only?
- Are you trying to bounce back from a bad break-up?
- Do you just want to get out of the house and meet people?
- Are you new in town?
No matter what your reason or reasons (multiple, if applicable), it's really important to you clarify your intentions. Be honest with yourself and with your future dates. If you don't, you might end up hurting someone's feelings and wasting your and your date's time.
What are your core values?
There are so many core values out there, we don't share them all and that is ok. These values are personal beliefs that we picked up from our upbringing or adopted as we grew older. We can't really judge others by their values and have to be tolerant. However we can certainly choose to hang out with those who share the same values. Below is a non-exhaustive list of values we often hear about.
- Education and Learning
- Sense of humour
- Sense of adventure
- Health and Fitness
Which ones do you seek in a date? Let me know in the comments below, I'd love to hear from you!
Put yourself out there
Tinder, Bumble, Grade, OkCupid, eHarmony, Match.com... There are numerous dating apps and websites where you can sign up for free or for a fee and meet thousands of dates. Or hold on, maybe you prefer to sign up for events through your local MeetUps and meet people "the old school way".
What's that? Too shy? What's the point in signing up for local events if you'll never attend them? How can you meet people if you don't make the effort to go out?
No matter what you go for, choose the tool that you're most comfortable with and that will allow you to be yourself and actually meet and talk to people. Don't fool yourself or do it because your friends are repeatedly telling you "Come on man, you gotta get on that online dating action. What are you waiting for?". Nope, do it for you!
What is your budget?
There is a general stigma that ladies are high maintenance and cost men $$$ on dates. Well... that can be true. But that's not always the case, and definitely not enough to warrant this generalization. Gentlemen, nobody is here to judge you on how much you can spend on a night out. However, if you splurge on a Michelin-starred restaurant to impress your date, putting all your month's savings in that fancy Chef's tasting menu then maybe you're misleading your date and that's on you! I've heard this story countless times.
My advice? If you're honest and humble your date will care more about who you really are than the cost of her appetizer. There are lots of cheap and cheerful date ideas. These ideas can be romantic, adventurous and fun without breaking the wallet. I'll be sharing them with you in a future blog. Until then, don't let the price tag cost you the chance of a meaningful encounter.
Who are you? (who, who, who, who?)
We can be so quick to judge others and we fail to take a good look in the mirror. Which is why - last but not least- our point here is to encourage you to consider that maybe, just maybe, there are some habits or personality quirks that you may need to ... shall we say revisit? For example:
- Do you swear a lot when you talk? For f**k's sake! You just did it again!
- Are you often grumpy and pessimistic?
- Do you judge others and make fun of people?
- Do you lack confidence?
- Or maybe you are over-confident and can come off as arrogant?
- Are you chronically late, always keeping your date waiting?
- Do you tend to underdress, maybe giving the impression that you're not putting any effort in your date?
- Do you spend too much time on your phone, distracted by social media and not paying attention to your date?
I'll dive deeper on the subject of creating a good first impression in another blog. For now, I leave you with lots of food for thought and I truly hope you take note and put some of my tips into action. Gear up to find the right relationship for you and share this with someone you know may find these helpful.
Mimi, your coach.